Saturday, March 26, 2011

Moving on

I can't believe that Mylee has been gone for over a week, and we have a new puppy. I have never really dealt with death before and all these feelings  have been hard for me to process. Since I am a parent and have children, I feel that I have the right to say that Matt and I feel like we lost our child. When I said that to someone they looked at me as if I was crazy. They said to me "You can replace a dog, but not a child." I completely disagree. I couldn't replace Mylee or either one of my children. No animal or person is the same in my opinion.
We got Mylee's ashes and her urn this week. The girls helped me pour the ashes in the urn and place it in my room where she was most happy. I plan on doing a little family service where we sprinkle some of her ashes in the backyard too. Some people might find this morbid, but I wanted my girls to see what happens when you loose someone. To see that we CAN move on. I want them also to be able to have their final goodbye to our girl.
Matt and his mom got his father cremated when he passed, and Sandee was too. So in our house we have three urns and ashes. Matt's dad's ashes are not staying forever. His mom wants her ashes mixed with his when she passes. Some people might think that it is weird that we are holding on to our pets ashes. But I am not ready to let go. I couldn't leave Mylee's body at the vets. That seems so disrespectful to her after all the love she gave us. I don't know how long I will hold on to her, maybe one day I will let go. But I am NOT ready yet.
I talked with one of my dear friends who is a grief therapist and she said that I am doing well. She also said that it was ok that the girls see me cry. Hearing that just took a giant weight off my shoulders. I have been so worried that maybe I was taking it too hard and not showing the girls how to grieve properly.  I have had little meltdowns in front of them, but not big ones. I prefer the big meltdowns I have to be in private without even Matt around. It felt good to know that I am hanging in there, and showing my girls how to move on.

In lighter news, Morgan is doing better with her crate training. I am FINALLY getting some sleep at night. Jacks is tolerating her puppy behavior like a champ. She has great potential to be a good dog, but man, I just want her OUT of this puppy stage!! It is like having another child in the house. Speaking of children...I am two days LATE!! Ahhhh!!! I am going to hope and pray that my monthly visitor will come very soon, cause I am so  not ready to add another child to our zoo!!

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